I remember standing in my kitchen one evening. I was holding a spatula, unsure of what I was about to cook, with tears starting to fall. I had snapped at someone I love earlier, and now I felt confused, ashamed, and emotionally drained. I could not explain why I felt so raw. I only knew I did not feel like myself.

It was not grief. It was not burnout. But something in me had shifted. I could sense it, but I could not name it yet. I knew hormones were playing a role, but no one had prepared me for how deeply they would affect my emotions in perimenopause, my focus, and my sense of self.

This is the part of perimenopause that we need to talk about. The part that cannot be separated from our mental health or brushed aside with vague suggestions.

You Are Not Overreacting

What I was feeling did not match the word stress. I have worked in healthcare for more than two decades. I know what chronic stress looks like. This was something else. My emotions felt unpredictable. My thoughts were scattered. I could not concentrate, and the fog in my brain made daily tasks feel like a struggle.

When I tried to explain what I was experiencing to a provider, I was told to try getting more rest and managing my stress levels. That moment was a turning point. I knew I had to advocate for myself in a deeper way.

What’s Happening in Your Brain

Perimenopause brings hormonal changes that directly affect brain function. Estrogen influences how we regulate mood, manage sleep, form memories, and respond to daily stress. When estrogen starts fluctuating, those systems can become unsteady.

Mood shifts, brain fog, anxiety, and changes in sleep are not imagined. They are rooted in biology. They are supported by research. And they deserve care and attention. These shifts are part of why so many women struggle silently with emotions in perimenopause, unsure if what they’re feeling is real or worthy of care.

Why This Hits Black Women Differently

We are often holding so much: caregiving, work, grief, and the legacy of being strong without pause. Add hormonal changes to that reality, and the weight of emotions in perimenopause can feel like too much.

Black women are more likely to experience mood symptoms during perimenopause. We are also less likely to receive accurate diagnosis or effective treatment. We are often told to pray more, breathe more, or push through. That is not enough. Our mental health matters. Our stories matter.

These Are Symptoms, Not Flaws

This is what I experienced, and it may be what you are noticing, too:

• Emotionally
• Irritability that feels too intense for the moment
• Anxiety that comes out of nowhere
• Feeling overwhelmed by small things
• Mood swings that feel unfamiliar
• Sadness that stays longer than expected
• Cognitively
• Difficulty concentrating
• Struggling to find the right words
• Forgetfulness that impacts daily tasks
• Trouble following through on plans
• Decision-making that used to be easy but now feels hard

These are not personality issues. They are signs that your body and brain are adjusting to hormonal changes. You are not losing your mind. You are moving through a transition.

The Strength to Speak Up

I learned to stop softening my symptoms to make others comfortable. I began using language that matched the seriousness of what I was feeling.

Instead of saying

“I’ve been emotional lately”

I now say

“My mood changes are affecting my ability to show up in relationships and function the way I want to.”

Instead of saying

“I’m feeling forgetful”

I now say

“I am having trouble with memory and word recall that started when my menstrual cycles changed.”

Instead of saying

“I think this might be depression”

I now say

“I am experiencing low mood, disrupted sleep, and irritability that align with hormonal changes in this phase of life.”

When we use clear, direct language, we protect ourselves from being dismissed and invite more thoughtful care.

What Helped Me

This transition pushed me to slow down and listen to my body in new ways. I started honoring my need for:

• Movement that supports my nervous system
• Better sleep habits that improve clarity
• Supplements and therapies that address root causes
• Mental health support that understands hormonal shifts
• Time with other women who speak the same unspoken truths
• Healthcare providers who value lived experience and listen fully

No one-size-fits-all plan will work. But doing something intentional to support your emotional health every day builds strength from the inside out.

This Is an Opportunity to Choose You

You are not weak for feeling deeply. You are not failing if your emotions feel heavier or your thoughts feel slower. This is a season that deserves care, not criticism.

There is nothing small about mental and emotional wellness. These parts of you are vital. They need attention, support, and tools that work. You deserve to feel whole. You deserve to feel grounded. You deserve to feel like yourself again.

If you’ve noticed emotional changes that have made you question what is happening in your body or mind, I want to affirm this for you: what you are feeling is real. You are not alone. And you do not have to carry it in silence. Giving yourself permission to honor the reality of your emotions in perimenopause is not weakness. It’s powerful self-awareness.

What has helped you stay steady during emotional shifts? Have you found care that listens or tools that support your peace? Share your story below. Your wisdom might be exactly what another sister needs to find her way.